This week in Chimpyville

Growing up, one of my favorite shows was This Week in Baseball.  Not only was it hosted by the great Mel Allen, but it had all of the prior week's high and lowlights, bloopers and great plays.  My buddies and I used to imitate the show in our backyards, throwing grounders to each other and trying to make our own plays and bloopers of the week.

And speaking of lowlights and bloopers, it seems like the entire Bush administration has been one lowlight and blooper after another, however I don't know many people that are laughing at it.  So with that in mind (and a lot of time to spare this week being stuck in airports and in Albuquerque on business), I felt that this was as good a time as any to compile a summary of some of the things that went on in BushieVille this week, and depending on how this turns out, I may do it again....

Now, the Decider has a big weekend ahead of him, with all of the news coming out about Haditha and the massacre of innocent Iraqis coming out in the US press (only months late), not to mention the CIA leak investigation and everything else that is dragging his numbers into the shitter.  So, to plan for the upcoming hurricane season, as well as to try and regain his footing, we have a very important speech that will be made on Monday to discuss one of the most pressing issues facing this country today.  Yes, a constitutional ban on gay marriage.  And what better way to ring in Gay Pride Month than to REALLY show how much you support them?

But it is hard doing Preznit stuff like answering letters from 10 year olds with fluff, spin and lies.  A great example being set for our youth.  I mean, do you really think that someone that isn't eligible to vote is worth more than a letter stating that "democracy is on the march in Iraq"?  I wonder if Bush wrote the letter using red crayon to signify all of the blood that isn't being shed needlessly in Iraq.

Amazing that he found the time to write back to little Emily Shrader since this week also had Dear Leader calling in the experts to meet and discuss Iraq.  Now it would be silly to ask those who have been on the ground there, or those who actually have military experience.  Why do that when you can have a real expert like Amir Taheri, who is such a well respected man that his lie about Iran making Jews wear a yellow stripe was debunked immediately.  No worries Amir, your word is always golden round the White House.

The highlight of the week for Chimpy?  Well that would be when he welcomed the Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers to the White House (and being a Seahawk fan, it pains me to type those words).  However, I am sure that he was none too thrilled that Steelers LB Joey Porter had this to say last month (even though he had to "clarify his comments"):

"Yeah, I got something to say to Bush, I'm going to have a swagger when I walk in there, too," Porter said. "I'm looking forward to it. I have something to tell him, too. I don't like the way things are running right now. I feel like he has to give me some of my money back, so I got something to tell Bush."

Or, maybe the highlight of the week was when he signed this most recent tax giveaway to the uberwealthy.  This was a double winner since not only did the richest of the rich and the croniest of cronies get another fat chunk of dough, many other Americans, including those who are shipped overseas for their business as well as teenagers with college savings funds got the shaft.  

Because if you are a teenager, shouldn't you only have to worry about the trust fund that mommy and daddy set up for you, or the tons of cash that is being thrown at you by daddy's other rich friends?

However, pop culture and Team Chimpy haven't had a good week.  First, the new Dixie Chicks album kicked his ass, took names and sold over a half million copies of their latest "fuck you" to Dear Leader in the process.  Then, we have some scathing comments by Sandra Burnhard against those classy lassies, Jenna and Babs Jr.  Not that I am a big fan of Burnhard, but you gotta give her props for this little tirade:

There was an especially hilarious shout-out to our Lone Star princesses. The Bush twins were ripped new ones: Those "tube-top wearing, Cheeto-eating, Texas Longhorns," Bernhard ranted. "Would one of them please do something? Join the Peace Corps!"

Preach it, sista!!!  But Burnhard wasn't done yet as she called it perfectly against plastic stepford sanctimonious twit Laura Bush:

"Laura Bush seems like a decent woman with decent ideas. But first term, she was either doped up or fucked up. And it seemed that all she really wanted to do was to smoke a Newport."

But poor Laura.  I mean, she has to take time out of her busy schedule and all of the effort that she has put into her program to help America's Youth despite all of the cuts to programs for underprivileged children and neighborhoods in order to pay for all of the rich people's tax cuts to take on another role that she is eminently qualified for.  Yes, the wife of a President who refuses to do anything about AIDS or sex education other than to promote abstinence only is now giving her very qualified opinion on AIDS research and funding. Of course it would be nice to actually acknowledge that "having more people know what causes AIDS" would be easier if her husband's own policies weren't actually increasing HIV in Africa.  And I am sure that the UN General Assembly was oh-so-happy to get a lecture from the biggest "head in the sand" administration about AIDS since Reagan.

I'll close with another "oops you caught me lying" moment from this week.  At least with Fleischer or McLellan, the lies were coordinated so that they wouldn't get caught right on the spot.  But with Tony Snow, we already have Chimpy being caught in a lie about John Snow's resignation.  Maybe Bush was unsure whether it was Tony that the press was asking about with respect to resignation.  After all, it isn't too far fetched for him to misunderstand a question, or forget that he just hired another guy named Snow.  Jeez, it really is hard doing Preznit stuff....

Hopefully, next week will be a bit less tough in ChimpyVille.  Who would've thought that the White House wouldn't be all fun, games, bike rides, vacations and playing dress up???