Sunday, May 07, 2006

BREAKING: Chimpy McDumbass actually tells the truth!!!

Recommended at My Left Wing

In a shocking reversal of everything we have seen since the Campaign trail of 2000, this week saw our Liar-in-thief actually (sit down for this one) tell the truth to a German newspaper.

In other news, hell actually froze over.

The truthful account? That the highlight of his presidency was catching a 7.5 lb. perch in his lake.

I shit you not.

The actual quote was filled with other lies however, so don't get too excited, kids (emphasis mine):

"You know, I've experienced many great moments and it's hard to name the best," Bush told weekly Bild am Sonntag when asked about his high point since becoming president in January 2001.

"I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound (3.402 kilos) perch in my lake," he told the newspaper in an interview published on Sunday.

Many great moments, eh? Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

How does catching that perch compare to all of your vacation during 2001 while there were explicit warnings about Bin Laden being determined to strike in the US? Maybe it was during that vacation that you had your crowning moment and caught the "big one".

Or your other vacation during 2005 where not only did you have to deal with Cindy Sheehan and the massive protests outside your "ranch". What a great vacation that was. Too bad you had to cut it short to deal with some "stupid weather" in the Gulf Coast. If only damn Condi would have returned from her vacation in New York City, you could have finished yours out.

How about being so bold and brave as to taunt the "insurgents" in Iraq, saying, "bring `em on"? That was a catastrophic success. I mean only around 2,400 coalition forces have died since your "brave" comments. You must have been proud of that one. Of course, none of this would have been possible without all of the "slam dunk rock solid" evidence about Saddam, Iraq, WMDs and the link to 9/11 that you knowingly lied about so bravely brought to our attention in order to illegally invade a sovereign country based on such lies I mean, get rid of Saddam's WMDs, ooops, I mean, steal the Iraqi oil, shit, I really mean spread freedom to the Middle East so we can suppress it here in the US.

Now, you did inherit a huge budget surplus when you took office, but knowing how you like to pal around with Grover Norquist, you are probably real proud of the record deficits that you have rung up while in office. That is an achievement that few can boast of.

Or what about the fact that 46 million people are without health insurance now, or that household incomes are down by nearly $2,000 since you took office? What about increasing the debt to levels that our children won't even be able to count to since your prized educational "reform", NCLB is a complete and total disaster?

Hmmmmm, what else? What about those pesky first 10 amendments to the Constitution? Surely, a strict constructionist like yourself would want to preserve the rights given to people under the Bill of Rights. And what a job you have done - you should be very proud of your efforts to protect the fourth amendment and the first amendment with the arresting and harassing of many people who peacefully protest your criminal policies (not to mention the "loyalty oaths" that had to be signed in order to attend any of your events). What about the sixth amendment and due process? Surely you must be proud of your track record there.

Jeez, I can go on forever naming so many of the "great" accomplishments over the past five years. Can catching a fish all by yourself be the greatest of achievements since you graced this country and world with your unitary executive presence?

I think you are selling yourself short, Mr. Dear Leader. So many great accomplishments to choose from. Such a wonderful five years that we have been oh-so-blessed to have you destroy oops...I mean, lead us.

I can only think of one way to repay you for all these great achievements. And that is an early retirement via impeachment and a long vacation at the Hague.

And don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.


1 comment:

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