Profiles in Douchebaggery - Abu Gonzalez

Front paged at Booman Tribune. Recommended at My Left Wing

Taking a page out of his boss and partner in war crime, Attorney General Alberto “Abu” Gonzalez had the following nugget for the bearded talking meatstick Wolf (please don’t call me Leslie) Blitzer about what mistakes he may have made over the past six years:

Oh, I think that you and I would — I’d have to spend some time thinking about that. Obviously I’m not going to say that I am perfect and that I’ve been perfect in doing my job. Obviously I’ve made some recommendations to my client. Some of those recommendations have not been supported in the courts. In hindsight, you sometimes wonder, well, perhaps, perhaps the recommendation should have been something different.

“Perhaps the recommendation should have been something different”? “Some of those recommendations have not been supported in the courts”? PERHAPS????? Well, ain’t that just grand. Especially when you don’t have to look further than this week for just the latest example of those “recommendations”. Something about, oh, an American citizen whose biggest crime was converting to Islam, resulting in all of those lovely interrogation “techniques” that you thought were just peachy in light of those “quaint” international laws. And what’s $2 million here or there, especially when it was painfully obvious that this citizen was known to be innocent well before he was subjected to innocent “fraternity pranks".

Or maybe it was the fact that you do have the distinction of being the only cabinet nominee in the past 27 years to be opposed by Human Rights First. Or does rampant disregard for human rights not really matter much as a “mistake” – maybe it is more of an inconvenience?

Now, call me crazy (it certainly wouldn’t be the first time), but I don’t know how much the title of “Father of Torture” appeals to you, or if those little memos that you wrote back in 2002 that allowed Dear Leader the ability to supersede treaties and anti-torture laws give you any regrets. So groundbreaking were your ideas that even things such as waterboarding (which even our own CIA documents from the 1960s plainly stated was torture) were A-OK, as long as it is done to “evil brown people”.

But who knew that those decisions and policies of extraordinary rendition would have been exposed? I guess that the only mistake there is that they weren’t secret enough, or that these innocent people “evil terrorists” were still alive to tell their story of what really happened. Or could it be the fact that you would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those pesky meddling activist Supreme Court Justices? Too bad you couldn’t get Ann Coulter to find a taker for her crème-brulee wish.

I guess we can also take a line straight out of the administration’s playbook and ask the question “who would have anticipated that torture and violation of international laws would lead to a huge backlash against the US, and not help “win the hearts and minds” of the Iraqis?” But that is their mistake – not yours.

I know, Alberto – you aren’t “wrong”, just “misunderstood”. If only us treasonous traitorous terrorist sympathizers would realize how wildly successful your torture and rendition program is, right? But who am I to judge this when we can take it straight from “internationally renowned security guru” Bruce Schneier, who writes the following about the wild success of the prosecution of the “WarOnTerrah™”:

Most "terrorism" arrests are not for actual terrorism; they're for other things. The cases are either thrown out for lack of evidence, or the penalties are more in line with the actual crimes. I don't care what anyone from the Justice Department says: someone who is jailed for four weeks did not commit a terrorist act.

Bravo, Abu….bravo!!! A resounding success – just look at these stellar statistics. No wonder you can’t think of any mistakes.

Actually, I think it is more likely that the source and biggest culprit in this whole crusade to violate the rights of thousands of people and break as many international laws as any administration ever to “grace” We the People can be traced back to Gonzalez. Whether it be coming up with justification for violating international law, for pursuing torture, for expanding Executive Powers way beyond anything that this country could ever imagine or even for the actions taken that have turned much of the world against the US, it pretty much all either originated with or required the approval of our nation’s highest ranking attorney.

Couple with the arrogant remarks about not being able to admit to any mistakes, and that is a recipe for “Douchebag Emeritus”. Congratulations, Abu – you have hit the jackpot of douchebaggery.